Review: Year of Yes - How to Dance it Out...
YEAR OF YES: HOW TO DANCE IT OUT, STAND IN THE SUN AND BE YOUR OWN PERSON
By: Shonda Rhimes
Quoted from Year of Yes… Ch. 1
“That’s when she says it. The six words. Mutters them. Almost under her breath.
As she finishes chopping the onions. Six startling words.
You Never Say Yes to Anything.”
Shonda Rhimes on the Jimmy Kimmel Show https//pmcvariety.files.wordpress.com
1.) What was the book about?
The Year of Yes is a detailed, albeit entertaining account of the year acclaimed writer and producer Shonda Rhimes embarked on a life changing shift on her outlook on life. It all started on Thanksgiving Day 2013 as she and her sister Delorse prepared dinner, it was their turn to handle the turkey day feast. As they discussed yet another event Shonda intended to decline to attend, Delorse absently muttered, “you never say yes to anything.” With that ‘grenade’ thrown into the room, Shonda was set into a mental spiral forcing her to self-evaluate her ways as a self-proclaimed super introvert. As she describes herself in the prologue, “See, I am an introvert. Deep. To the bone. My marrow is introvert marrow. My snot is introvert snot.” You see what I mean – the sister is serious about letting us know just how introverted she is, Shonda is a creative introvert with a severe fear of public speaking that physically debilitates her and causes her to decline most events.
Following Delorse’s sizing-up of Shonda’s state of being with those 6 words, Shonda is next seen attending the Kennedy Center Honors in Washington DC, December 2013. Following that evening’s event, she self-evaluates her response to that evening’s festivities, to include a startling realization that while she was in fact sitting behind the Obama’s, had she been asked to sit directly in their box during the evening…she would have said No! Harkening back to that year’s Thanksgiving morning, the unexploded ordinance that Delorse had deployed into the room - the grenade of 6 words - now explodes and thus we are catapulted into Shonda’s birthday decision in January 2014, to make this her Year of Yes.
Throughout much of the book you get the feel that Shonda speaks and writes in Olivia Pope’s voice. I literally felt her speeding through dialogue the way everyone does at Pope and Associates. She also uses a lot of symbolism and analogies to vividly describe how she is feeling about a situation. Shonda’s sister Delorse seems to me, to be the subconscious voice we could all use during times of uncertainty.
2.) Do you have a favorite quote from the book? “Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.” Ch.10 Yes to More Year of Yes, P.180
“Lucky implies I didn’t do anything. Lucky implies something was given to me. Lucky implies that I was handed something I did not earn, that I did not work hard for…Don’t call me lucky. Call me a badass.”
The ShondaLand Logo of Shonda Rhimes production company
In the Year of Yes, Shonda describes various areas of her life and how she had applied herself, her gift, her knowledge, her tenacity to overcome and create positive change. As you read the book, one thing becomes very clear, there is a personal growth process that happens to her, she begins to come out of her shell and becomes receptive to compliments, accepting of awards and accolades that she worked very hard for, but feels that she shouldn’t be seen as a unicorn for achieving, because to her this is all normal.
In chapter 8: Yes to My Body, Shonda describes a self-made acronym that she uses to describe herself and how she believes other high-achieving minorities are defined, F.O.D. – a First. Only. Different. This description applies to minorities in race, sex, orientation, physical impairment, whatever descriptor that could be used to label a person, and why they should not be in the place that they have ascended. F.O.D.s are high-achievers in spite of their station in life, and often times feel an extra burden to constantly exceed expectations, and most certainly are not allowed to concede to failure or defeat.
While reading these words, I was struck by a similar awareness of feeling like my presence in certain environments is a surprise to some. I have experienced being asked: how did you get here? How do you know this or that? My response is always, because I worked for it, and my persistence made it happen. However, I am keenly aware that I am a double minority, female and black, and some areas I have been able to step into were not intended for me. I am a First. Only. Different. aka Normal.
3.) What did you like most/least about the book?
Shonda Rhimes photo from BroadwayWorld.com
Throughout the book I found myself to be pretty stunned with how Shonda sees/saw herself. There were moments when she was down right self-deprecating, and it literally made me angry. But I understood. As an introverted personality doing the thing she loved, and had always excelled at, she did not see herself as anything but a simple writer. It took her Year of Yes to dissect that down into just who she really was, how others saw her, and to drink the Kool-Aid - but not drown in it.
At one point in the book she plainly admits that she was not loving herself. She clearly suffered from moments of self-doubt and depression. Shonda has a great way of describing every feeling that gives it a mentally visual characteristic. She has affectionately termed “veal-practice” as the process of lying very still on the sofa mimicking the life of veal, while eating veal; this is the act of putting food on your feelings, on page 148, Ch.8 Yes to My Body she says, “Underneath the food, everything inside me was smooth and cold and numb. I was dead inside and that was good.” It is very clear to me that her introversion exacerbated her depression to a greater degree. She used it as a tool to protect herself. But when she finally pulls out of this, it is glorious! I literally had a moment while reading this book where I thought, THANK GOD – I am so proud of you.
4.) What feelings did this book evoke in you?
Shonda Rhimes, Year of Yes, photo from npr.org
As previously alluded to, I must admit that I was pretty stunned and upset with Shonda initially. I didn’t want her to feel less than, I didn’t want this phenomenal woman to see herself in any way except exceptional. To read her own words of feeling every way except exceptional was hard for me to take, but by the time you get to chapter 15. Yes to Beautiful, you experience her literally dancing out loud like no one is watching. Even though several people are in fact - watching! She danced out loud to Beyonce, in a wonderful red dress, and ended her Year of Yes (which was extended because she enjoyed it so much) with a photo shoot, a healthier body and new attitude.
But the person whose words best describe my feelings, is from her sister Delorse. The very one who started this whole journey by saying those 6 words…“You Never Say Yes to Anything.” At the end of the book Delorse said to Shonda: “I’m extremely proud of you, you were joyless. All you ever did was sleep. Literally. And metaphorically. You were asleep.”
5.) If you could ask the author one question, what would it be?
Shonda Rhimes photo from Today.com
Before Shonda tells us about her awesome celebratory photoshoot at the end of the book, she states the following on p.296 “The cruelty with which I treated myself is no longer tolerated.”
My question for Shonda would be this: How did the old Shonda resolve within herself the self-deprecating person she displayed to her daughters? Our Mothers are literally our first blue prints for how we should carry ourselves, treat ourselves, and allow others to interact within our sphere. Shonda’s baby girls were toddlers at the beginning of this journey, and may not have noticed much, but her oldest was eleven years old and definitely at an impressionable age. While the overall change was good, the original Shonda was the first version her preteen was to emulate.
Additional Resources:
A Tribute to Shonda Rhimes: How the Most Successful Showrunner Came into Power
https://www.hollywoodinsider.com/shonda-rhimes-tribute-showrunner/
Ted Talk - Shonda Rhimes My year of saying yes to everything: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmj-azFbpkA&feature=youtu.be
Shonda Rhimes Dartmouth 2014 Commencement Speech: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuHQ6TH60_I&feature=youtu.be
Shonda Rhimes ABC News Interview on her Year of Yes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84v8I-I8LVA
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